Sunday, 6 September 2009

Not long till November.

This blog lark is dead on like, I am getting off on it rightly, not literally. I currently have six "followers" one of whom is myself. Yes I have decided to follow myself interesting concept since I have no fucking idea who I am! I have been wandering around since my conception and to be truthful I have no idea what I am doing here
And from the strange and often disturbing behaviour I witness from others no one else seems to know what’s going on either. Following myself is quite easy these days because I am always sober, boring but sober. I am still an unpredictable fucker but these days I am bearably unpredictable. Not too long ago I never knew what I was going to do next it was very disturbing but great craic at the same time.

I have looked a lot at different theories throughout my short life thus far and found them all to be very shallow. If any organisation contains even the slightest hint at something being taboo I get immediately suspicious because rules always end up being broken in fact there just seems to be an unwritten rule to automatically try to break rules or at least bend them to the point of cracking then back of apologising and saying “I was only joking.”

There are just far too many questions that simply can not be answered rationally of course you’re going to find a myriad of idiots who claim to be able to answer said questions but these answers often involve a bearded man (not Adam Loughlin or Hotrod) who walks on water and gets climactically doused in vinegar just cause he told some children stories, ah well the Romans were the Nazis of their day. None of it makes any real sense. I remember being in Primary 6 as far as I can recall I was around 9 at the time and during R.E the teacher told us to draw a picture of the ascension so I drew the cave and trees and shit and Jesus going up into the sky with one arm pointed upward like he was being plucked by an invisible force. Everyone laughed at me saying Jesus looked like superman and I said well if he could do what they say he could do he was superman. The teacher liked my picture because no one else had drew a figure of him they just had wavy lines and other non sense representing a soul. Even back then I was firmly grounded in the reality of what I could and could not see, subsequently I have since seen ghosts but I am very cautious about these apparitions because I am well aware that alcohol, drugs and even a lack of food or sleep can warp the cranium. You can’t even trust your own mind, it’s laughable.

I meet people who make me laugh daily. We all think we’re so together and so sorted out. I meet people who are adamant that they know exactly what’s going down on this whatever the fuck it is that we occupy and I try to explain to them that fucking billions of dead geniuses couldn’t figure this out so what makes a part time barman from Cullybacky who smokes cannabis and once got lifted for robbing a chicken Tikka sandwich from the Tesco on the Dublin Road any different but he doesn’t answer that question because he’s fictional, I made him up to use as an example.
I do however know a part time barman and a boy from Cullybacky and a boy who smokes Cannabis and a boy who got lifted for robbing a chicken Tikka sandwich from the Tesco on the Dublin Road.

Yes folks I am afraid we’re all just as blind as the next person we’ve all been deposited here, literally. I mean think about it you came out of an orifice that your Da uses to piss and went into an orifice that your Ma uses to piss before subsequently coming back out that second orifice. I hate being blunt but them’s the facts people. So the real answer to the joke: Q) “What goes in and out and smells like piss?” is actually YOU!

PS The answer before my revelation was: A) “A gypsy doing the hokey cokey!”

And here’s the joke again because there’s bound to be at least one twat who couldn’t get it in the form I wrote it in above.

Q) “What goes in and out and smells like piss?”
A) “A gypsy doing the hokey cokey!”

Blog out. Séamus.

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