I know you. I don’t need to know your name to know how you tick. I don’t need to know where you’re from or what you do. I know all about you. There are only so many emotions and there are equally only so many reactions caused by said emotions. Everything that could possibly happen already has at some point, over and over again. You’re just the same as all the other homo-sapiens who ever lived and it is in your very nature to think you’re going to do things differently and going to be better than all the others who went before you because it is written into the very fabric of your instincts to think like you’re thinking, to act, to be exactly what you are, it is written into your DNA, you’re not in control, you’re being controlled by an ancient set of principles locked into a flesh and bone prison. You think you’re different don’t you? You think you’re not like the others. You probably have a long list achievements which you think make you unique either that or you feel you have underachieved and you keep thinking “I’ll go back to school next year” but you never get round to it. You’re basic. You’re not important and I am not saying that to put anyone down, it’s essential to stay grounded, if you inflate your own ego too much it will have a very bad effect on how you not only treat other people but how you see them, you’ll think yourself better than others and that’s where, for so many of us, the trouble begins.
When you get outside yourself everything looks different. You begin to realise that everyone is just the same, fundamentally, obviously there are superficial differences and differences in class, culture, race, sex etc etc but stripped down to our constituent elements people behave very much the same right across the spectrum. The trouble with us is that very instinct which tells us we’re different because of it we don’t see others the way we see ourselves and our uncanny ability to go through certain emotions but when we’re not feeling them anymore forgetting how it felt and not giving others the right to feel and behave exactly as we did at the time, I like to call this trait “short memory syndrome” and we all suffer from it to some extent.
Lets get the sentiment out of the way. Just so it can be clearly seen how I know what I know about people. I have done wrong by people who were very important to me and I have similarly been wronged but there are cases which I will never talk about because the people concerned are getting on with their lives and I would never want to effect them in anyway. Suffice to say I learned some very hard lessons about life through making some very bad decisions. Why no longer matters, if you go around looking for reasons you’ll find them, they may not be the right reasons but you’ll end up accepting them and blaming everyone but yourself when it may well be the case that it is actually you that is the problem. One thing I can talk about though is something which will always be my greatest regret. My sister was an alcoholic. Towards the end it was very bad. I was upset because she had previously been so beautiful and caring and a very talented seamstress but I was not drinking as heavily at the time, I was in a long term relationship, I had a job and when I compared my life to hers it made her look very bad indeed. This comparing is dangerous because no one knows what is going to happen tomorrow. You whole life could twist and change and you could end up losing your mind and everything with it. My sister died and I hadn’t spoken to her for some weeks when that happened. I was of the opinion that she should just get her act together so I got angry with her one night and stopped going to see her. I didn’t feel anything right away, my life just continued but eventually the guilt of having treated my sister that way came and got me and it got me good, it ruined my life.
Of course as far as the people who I hurt at the time were concerned I ruined my own life and I can see their thinking but what actually happened was a complete breakdown of my inner sensibilities and reasoning. This is normally where people start glancing skyward and hinting that I am making excuses. There are no excuses. I am responsible but until you go through something of this magnitude you have no right to judge. The hurt I doled out was because I was hurt. Simple. No reasons or excuses. Pain only creates more of itself you can muster all the opinions you like but it does not change the fact that human beings are nothing other than emotional machines and what goes in eventually comes out. It is important to note that my sisters death was not an isolated incident it was one of many shocks to my fragile system throughout my life. Sometimes I wonder how the fuck I survived, the law of averages says I really shouldn’t have.
There are no bad people on this Earth there are only a bunch of people who are so hurt that they know no other way than to do more of the same because they know no better. If you're of the opinion that they're bad and you're good then you yourself should never have made any mistakes right? You have never hurt anyone? I am not a Christian but some of the main teachings of Christianity are very true. The main difficulty with living in a blame culture is that one day you may find yourself needing help but under the current system you're more likely to find there is no one to help, they'll just judge and mock and ridicule.
After those events and others which I won't go into right now everything changed and very recently I have come out the other end of it with a multitude of gratitude. Someone you know needs a break. It could be your friend or a close family member.
it could be your partner or someone in work. I am not saying if you don’t give it to them they’ll end up dead, but sometimes we can have a bad effect on the people around us without realising we’re doing it. Sometimes we can get so consumed by ourselves that we forget about the ones we love. We can over react and say hurtful things which may just maybe cause someone to have a bad day and be trivial but we have to ask ourselves how often do we do this? How do we try to get along with people rather than just bickering all the time. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own self importance that it becomes more crucial to win a petty argument than to foster contentment and happiness among those we love.
Sometimes we can be in bad form and we end up being short with those we love and find ourselves having to say sorry all the time but rather than continually apologising why not be mindful and just be decent in the first place. It’s difficult but very worth it.
Someone you know needs a break and you’ll be helping yourself by giving it to them.