Saturday, 1 October 2011

Expecting perfection

For individuals who are so inherently flawed you would think that we would start looking inside ourselves for answers rather than striking out into the world asking advice from others who are, wait for it, inherently flawed! It is easier to see flaws in others because we have been taught to look after ourselves and part of this involves not making ourselves look bad, defending ourselves. Problems arise because sometimes it is important to recognise where you have gone wrong but a lot of the time we fail to do that because we don’t want to look bad so we cover up our mistakes and blame others. Some people go through their whole lives unable to see their own mistakes because of this and so end up being very bitter and angry without ever knowing it.

Equally I have often seen people defend their loved ones when said loved ones are actually in the wrong. I have seen members of my own family do this and it’s very harmful. They do this out of a completely misplaced sense of duty but this can cause problems to the individuals who are always being defended because they may never get to see where their mistakes lie. This sheltering of people is commonplace in our society and you end up with people who are so sensitive that they have difficulty relating to anyone who does not match up to the long list of things people shouldn’t do that they have locked firmly into their instinctive drive.

No one admits to being on a perfection quest but that is exactly what we’re all doing. Apart from you of course because you’re not like the others. When we go looking for someone we aren’t really looking for a person in particular all we really want is to dispel the gap in our lives. No one wants to be alone so finding someone to share our lives with is very important but since many of us struggle with our own inner turmoil being with someone is often not achievable. When eventually we find someone everything then becomes about what they can do for us, How do they fit the model we have in our minds of what a good partner should be? Of course we are also willing to do whatever it is we do for them but initially our considerations are mostly selfish and for some it remains that way and how successful a relationship is will depend on each individuals ability to play give and take with their partners. It must be remembered that all of this is pure instinct and often we have no idea what we’re looking for, we just know when we think it’s either right or wrong. The need for human contact overrides all else, especially in procreative relationships. There are of course cases where this need itself is overridden but that’s a different matter altogether.

To be successful in relationships you must be selfish and you must find someone who’s comparatively selfish. Disproportionate relationships seldom work and if they do at all it will usually be a struggle for either or. The competitive streak we have comes firmly into play during relationships. It is a game of dominate or be dominated. Do not take the word domination out of context here though for domination can be very subtle, so subtle the dominated person may believe they have more control than they actually have. I always hear a lot of men saying they’ll do anything for a quiet life. They often say it jokingly but women are naturally moulders and shapers of people. Women bring up the children and have a very natural tendency for control. When we live our lives we never think about how these ancient principles at our core effect us, as far as we’re concerned we’re firmly in control of our lives and everything about ourselves but this is not true.

Gender roles are always changing according to the climate of society at any given time but some things transcend time and that is that potential partners need to be offering us something if we’re to succumb to their advances. Nowadays someone who has a good job, a car and doesn’t live with their parents are what many people will be attracted to but not only that of course most people want someone who looks good, speaks well and is admired by others. I could keep going with what the world looks for in his wife but in short can you see how that is selfish? It is not seen as being selfish because it is so normal. So many potential partners already have the material well-being that people are looking for due to the economical situation over the last 3 or 4 decades so what happens is people get fussy and they want even more, these expectations vary wildly from individual to individual but the base principle is always the same. Proof lies in a very simple fact humans are inherently judgmental, we have to be. We are programmed just as the other animals are to look for symmetry and beauty in the opposite sex. Obviously there’s much more to it than just that, the laws of attraction are not easy to understand and experts even don’t fully get it but we do tend to work on an image basis don’t we? I mean no one goes out of their way to pull the smelliest person in the club do they? even though said person may have a fantastic personality. it's all about the personal preference of each individual.

Each persons idea of what they believe is perfect is different but since perfection does not exist there are going to be a lot of very disappointed individuals out there, and there are. Being in bad relationships can have adverse effects on people as well they can end up being so fussy that they are impossible to be with. We all have our issues but when they’re stripped down the basic mechanics of humanity are always there behind them in each of us. We have been taught by are parents that we’re worth it but sometimes this can be a bad thing because it can cause people to believe that they deserve more than they actually do or it can make them think people should go out of their way for them when they themselves are unwilling to do this for others. The whole field is just a massive game and we’re no better than the birds or the lions or any other animals the basics are the same. Our problem is that we think we’re more important than we actually are.

The reason why all this stuff is coming out is because my family is an utter shambles and I am busily trying to make sense of it. I could go back to those involved and strike out at them but I won't do that I have let go of them because they are bad news and they are so negative and caustic that they make everything around them that way. I am in the midst of a process of change and I am just very happy at the moment that rather than turning on those who are striking out at me I can theorize and make sense of things in a much more meaningful way. :)

love and peace always...


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