Saturday, 1 October 2011

The right to be wrong

A major reason why there are so many fragmented families and relationships these days is due to our inability to give each other the right to be wrong. During my drinking days I really had seen it all, I was involved in and witnessed so many trivial arguments that often ended with people not speaking again for a long time afterwards, sometimes people never spoke again, I know of cases where this is very true right up to the present. For the majority of people issues outside their own lives are unimportant so the fact that I am mentioning a myriad of isolated and separate incidents in very general terms means absolutely nothing to them. We work pretty simply and singularly when it comes to matters of a volatile nature, if it involves us or those we love we’re “interested” if not it doesn’t register. The same issues that we show no “interest” in may be just as important to others as our own issues are to us but because it doesn’t involve us we often fail to see those issues in the same light as issues that do involve us. This is simply another aspect of our selfish nature, our inherent self importance. If it effects me it has greater importance. Simple.

I have seen some stupid things that happened through alcohol make people stop talking to each other for months. At that point it was no longer the issue that was getting to them it was very simply their own pride, or often their misplaced sense of pride. There is something very basic about all of us which not many of us can freely admit to and that is we don’t like to be wrong or more specifically we don’t like others to tell us we are wrong. I have seen and been involved in really trivial matters where I could not just hold my hands up and admit that I was wrong, instead I would skirt around the issue and find a way to put some of the blame back onto the other person. It’s this kind of “yeah I am wrong but…” attitude that so many people have nowadays. Competition. Remember that old adversary? It’s being used always, daily, in all aspects of our lives even in the most trivial meaningless matters we just do not want to be beaten. When you start being honest with yourself you will begin to see these issues in yourselves and once you get to know yourself you will begin picking up on these ancient traits in everyone. People would rather go without in some cases than simply admit that they’re at fault. We all do this. Since I have become aware of it I am trying not to but it’s difficult because our emotions lie to us.

People are so similar it really is unbelievable that we so readily recognise difference. The main reason for seeing difference so much is that each of us has an ego and it is out to protect us so it always sees matters involving us as having priority over what is happening with the rest of the tribe. The ego is very stubborn. There are a lot of people who will look at the sort of things I have been posting in my blog and they’ll automatically say stuff like “Who does he think he is?” “He’s a smart-ass.” “He thinks he’s better than everyone else.” The reason for this is also that same ego it will not allow anything or anyone to have a say in how it runs its host. It is a self-protecting ghost of a person that must change how the individual looks and behaves depending on what it sees as being beneficial for the person. These matters I am discussing effect us all and trust me they can ruin your life and make you very unhappy. I went through my own personal hell and I have been trying since I have come to these realisations to change the way I do things and for the most part it is working.

When something happens where you have gotten into a disagreement with someone it is important to seriously take stock and ask yourself “How important is this issue?” and can it be resolved without the age old mud slinging that tends to happen when we get stuck in a corner? Fact is we’re all going to be wrong at some point and if you have people around you who you have grown a rapport with you will give them the right to be wrong and it will be returned. I have been looking back on my life and I can see clearly moments in the past where I was wrong but I still would not back down when people tried to point it out to me. I can also see that in some cases the people were doing what they were doing because they cared about me and loved me but I was so blinded by my own inability to recognise that I would have cut off my arm rather than accept a watch as a gift. That analogy is a bit rough but I hope you can begin to see where I am coming from here.

We all get it wrong sometimes but we should really be giving people a break. I understand that with some people you can try and try and get nowhere but for so many people they simply do not know another way so they keep making bad decisions. But just remember if you give others a break someone may be there to give you a break when you most need it. This life is shit but if we all try we can make it a little easier for each other.

Of course there are some people who for whatever reason simply cannot be reached and with people such as these it is important to know when to let go. It can often be difficult due to emotional attachments but sometimes you just have to do things for your own sanity and hope that one day those people will find their own way. The reason I can say this is because I was someone who was very depressed and difficult to be around and so many people had to let go of me. I can now see how they were thinking back then and have a new found appreciation of what I put loved ones through.


I am going to be ready to start this book soon these blogs are practice I know that some people read them regularly due to the stats and I would like to thank you whoever you are for taking the time.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Séamus

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