Change is never an easy inevitability but when you become aware of the principles surrounding the fact that it simply is you can become settled and allow it to happen in a more gracious fashion. I didn’t write for about six weeks, not to my normal pace anyway. During that period I have been working and playing Skyrim and funnily enough the last time I took a major break from writing was in 2006 when The Elder Scrolls previous instalment Oblivion was released.
The poems started coming again yesterday and they are strange, very unlike my earlier work, more open ended and very ambiguous. I am becoming adept at explaining things very concisely with precise two, three and four word combinations, very quick, very fluid and lateral. It’s like I don’t know what’s going on as it’s happening and only after rereading a few times do I begin to see how I am working the words. This kind of thing happened before back in 2008 when I began writing spoken word and though the subject matter and structure of the two disciplines is very different I appear to be approaching things from the same place with the same type of inner resolve. It’s good not knowing there’s much less effort involved.
Having the ability to let go is crucial. Often writers try to be in control and find themselves being frustrated by their own attempts to master the art. Having something you can focus on helps, something that doesn’t involve the art in anyway and even spending long periods not talking about it or thinking about it are a psychological way of letting go. When you’re too far in you begin to be drawn by the technicalities of it and fail to notice the beauty and simplicity of why you need to create in the first place. I think it happens in stages which will of course differ slightly for each individual but the core remains we are always moving toward something, the next thing and it can only be realised after the process is allowed flow. Accepting all of your work is important and not telling yourself the older stuff is badly executed rather that it’s been worn and you’ve become too accustomed to it so this has changed how you perceive it.
The ferocity I once had is gone. I don’t write everything down anymore, it’s like I have become much more selective and there’s a clear partition between think writing and writing writing. Ironically my poetry is becoming scaled down and simplified in technical terms while my prose is more lengthy, more descriptive but when you think about it that’s maybe how it’s supposed to be. I hope at some point I can merge the two although it’s not something I am even remotely considering. Yet.
Letting go is the key. The more you’re willing to risk losing the sweeter any rewards that come will eventually taste. Let go…