Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Are you Moody?

Peoples behaviour is based largely upon their moods, right?  Very obvious thing to say!  It is strange because we know this but you wouldn’t think we did when you take a look around.  So much of what everyone does is about giving up the ability to actively control our mood based behaviour, so instead when the mood takes us we simply behave as it instructs us to.  Worse than that though is our uncanny ability to know exactly how we are behaving but more or less say to ourselves “I don’t care, I am doing it anyway.”  This kind of copping out is a regular thing and some people take their moods to be such a part of them that they may even warn their partners or loved ones that they’re going into a mood!  Indeed in some cases peoples partners and families are so tuned into them that they know when to leave the person alone or to tread carefully!  It is different though depending on whether it is someone we know who is in a mood or a stranger, we are more likely to accept the moods of those we love and blame others we don’t know or dislike for the very same patterns of behaviour.

Some people also use their moods as a way of getting revenge, so someone has done something that they consider to be bad and they’ll maybe not speak to the person for a while or just sit about the place with a terrible face stuck to them to show the person that they’re unhappy.  I am aware that this is obviously an instinctive thing but I am just wondering about whether or not it is avoidable and also whether or not the people who use this type of behaviour regularly are actually secretly very unhappy and this is a kind of way to express that unhappiness without coming out and saying the ‘D’ word!  More important is do these people actually realise that behaving this way is very harmful to them personally and can have unseen aeffects on their relationships?

I am speaking generally of course but I am sure anyone reading this will know of people who behave this way, in fact we all do to some extent, but some of us seem to be more proficient a using our moods against others.  All this stems from how we have been taught and I don’t just mean direct instructions from parents.  When we are children we slowly learn how to behave largely by observing the behaviour of the people around us.  If you have young children around and you spend all your time arguing with your partner or being miserable the children will be aeffected by this.  Exactly how, why or even when we learn particular patterns of behaviour are not always obvious but most medical experts tend to believe that our personalities are formed in very early childhood, up until the age of about five.  I am not a parent so I can’t state this from experience but I think most people will agree that how parents behave is bound to have an aeffect on their children. 

Children who grow up in broken or unhappy homes are known to be much more likely to have social and emotional problems.  There are probably lots of stats for this, indeed I have seen quite a few but I don’t want to start quoting this stat or that stat.  I find peoples attitudes toward criminals especially interesting.  Most people who become involved in crime come from unfavourable social backgrounds but how the rest of society sees them is very abrupt.  When a person is young, probably up to about 13 or 14 and they’re having a tough time everyone feels really bad for them but as soon as the person gets to a certain age they automatically become scumbags.  This is odd because it is the same person and that person did not just wake up one morning and start having urges to do bad things it happened gradually over their whole lifetime.  People see the behaviour of others differently to how they see their own behaviour or the behaviour of those around them.  An awful lot of people grow up in terrible emotional conditions but this is forgotten about as soon as they reach 17 or 18 because the world says that when you get to that age you have to be responsible.  What if the person doesn’t know how to be responsible?  What if they are so preoccupied with a head full of negativity and guilt that they cannot gather the strength to do anything?

There is a notion in our society that there are a lot of people who are making excuses so they can do crime or get benefits etc etc.  This notion is directly linked to the blame culture.  The assumption being that they are doing it on purpose just to get a free ride and to make people pity them.  I know from experience that the homeless, the criminals and the addicts are actually suffering due to too many ill aeffects to mention and their behaviour, rather than being a way of getting something, is due to an inability to either understand or control their emotions.  We are not taught about our emotions.  People who blame others for making excuses should be careful themselves because making sweeping assumptions such as this do nothing except foster bad attitudes towards groups of people who are already finding life very difficult, the last thing they need is whole swathes of society hating them when they don’t even know them or know anything about what they have gone through. 

I think we all really need to start looking at ourselves and our childhoods especially.  This is something you should do for yourself because a lot of your behaviour is probably based upon very old negative energy which you have failed to address.  You don’t need to go around telling anyone about it just get to know yourself because the chances are that you have no idea who you are, chances are that you are relating ‘yourself’ directly to your emotions and thoughts but this is not the case.

How we see ourselves in relation to how we see other people is also very important.  Currently within our society there is an overwhelming notion that some people deserve to be in bad situations because of how they have behaved but of course when it comes to us looking at ourselves we are quick to make excuses and say that we have the right to be angry or depressed or in some mood or other.  Karma is real but just because someone is getting some kind of universal payback for something they have done wrong that does not give the rest of us the right to sit about pointing at them and making their hell as hellish as possible.  What if that person has mental or emotional difficulties which makes it almost impossible for them to control their behaviour?  What if they are self destructive due to the past?  None of this is ever considered because we live in a very judgemental world and just about all of us are judges to some degree.  Just as Karma is real for them though be mindful that it is also as real for you.  If you spend your life constantly looking at what others are doing wrong and gossiping and wishing pain onto others who you think ‘deserve it’ that negative energy will slowly turn you against yourself.  Sometimes you can be deeply unhappy without realising it and how you speak about and treat other human beings is harmful to your emotional wellbeing because deep down you know it’s not right, no matter how you are able to justify it or excuse it negativity begets itself.

If you find yourself spouting rhetoric about how inept the Politicians are or how bad the Foreigners are you may think you have a right to do this but you don’t.  I have noticed that most people who talk this way never do anything about it they just post their negativity on Facebook and quietly seethe.  If you think society is in a mess then go and do something about it, the voluntary sector is just full of organistions who would gladly avail of your services.  Sitting around pointing out what’s wrong with the world does not get anything done. 

Part of the reason I became so disillusioned with spoken word poetry was because of this.  I just got the feeling that even though a lot of people mean really well and write some beautiful poetry to share about the problems the world has many of them spend all their spare time getting drunk and gossiping about other people or getting themselves into bad relationships and just generally repeating cycles of pain and disgust without ever looking at themselves because you know what?  It’s always someone else fault.

How you treat others is a reflection of  how they will treat you.  I know this from experience, I hurt people and in the end it was actually me who was hurting myself because I was so unhappy that I was not able to treat them with the love and respect that they deserved and this was directly translated in how they behaved in return.  If you are constantly talking about other people the people who you are telling it to know that you’re unhappy and they’re probably giving you a by ball because they feel bad for you.  If you are alone and unhappy it is how you have been behaving which is the reason for that.  We all need to look at our own behaviour if we find ourselves in despair because most of the time it is something we are doing to ourselves rather than something that someone else is doing to us.

Each life you will live is short make the most of it.  Do not spend your time wishing pain onto others and plotting metaphorical revenge, smile and enjoy it.  Love those who are there for you and appreciate the beauty of our shared humanity and do something positive to help others instead of sitting around pretending to be angry.

Peace and love.

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