Saturday, 31 July 2010

Popular Culture

I am missing out on popular culture. I have not took alcohol for nearly seven months so when I socialise with people who are drinking I just don’t get the same buzz. They begin talking rubbish after about 4 or 5 (some after 2!) and slowly just become more and more incoherent. I can’t believe I used to enjoy being like that but having said that towards the end of my drinking I didn’t socialise at all and drank purely to forget so it is somewhat different. I really did enjoy social drinking though before it all got out of hand and I am not saying anything about those who do it. I am building up to a point here stick with it!

I don’t watch Television, I have not seen a movie since November and it will be a very long time before I even consider trying to see women again in any capacity, so I am kind of in a world of my own right now. When I am not reading or writing I play some X-box and I have been watching Lost box sets but it’s so yesterday so it really doesn’t count. I have only started reading the Newspaper again this last two months having been completely cut of from more or less everything from December up until late May. I am sometimes in company and they talk about things like adverts and I have no idea what they’re talking about. Something happened with some kind of car a few months back and friends were texting me jokes and I didn’t get them. Someone asked me about Glee a while back and I was like Wha? Gavin and Stacey the same I really don’t have the first idea what that is. I will be back from my cave for a bit following Tottenham when the new season starts but that’s about it really.

So if I am not here to demonise popular culture what is the point of this? My head is clearer than it has ever been, I eat well, sleep well and have come to terms with an extremely difficult past. I am writing some of the best material of my life and have lost count as to how many words on average I am churning out per day. Since late December I have nearly 200 poems that I know for sure are finished and an unknown amount that need editing.

So why am I telling you all this? I know many people will think I am boasting. I am telling you this because if you are creative there is a strong link between what you put into your head and what comes out of it. Popular culture is pish and it will quell your creativity what is popular now is not going to be heard of in a few years time at the rate of our throw away society. If you want to excel you need to work at it instead of watching shite you could be creating a new generation of shite, good shite.

I have never been as content as I am right now, not happy, content and you really can’t put a price on it. My work has been reflecting this, recently there appears to have been a massive shift and everything is going how I want it to go. I am however very cautious so as to avoid complacency.

I am telling you this because I hate to see talent wasted and I know so many people who are talented but don’t even get a fraction of it out because they have other things to do. And for people who are whinging saying well I work hard yeah well try being an alcoholic for five years then you’ll know what fucking hard work is.

Friday, 30 July 2010

I am writing a book about You! Yes YOU. After I went in and found out about myself it turns out that I have been able to discover so much about other people as well, we’re not that different we only think we are. Friends have been telling me recently that I don’t give people enough credit and that I am very cynical, I do of course respect their right to view me in anyway they please and listen to some of them quite intently but I am still utterly convinced that I have got an angle on humanity that not many people have. Remember that people who are not cynical are just conformists to one degree or another and if you conform to things blindly you end up trusting the wrong people, ‘erm take a look at The Western World it is deeply flawed and you’re part off that. We know our leaders are glorified Mob bosses and we just let it continue!

I have to say though I don’t think I am better than others because of it the reason why I prematurely defended myself just then is because I know how people work, they’re competitively minded and they would rather try to rubbish theories than accept anything outside whatever remit they aspire to for whatever reason. I am trying to use the information I have learned to show others that we are all the same and that defensive behaviour turns in time to out and out offence.

Our current social structure is based around one very simple principle, selfishness. No matter who you are or what you do you’re selfish of course this raises the question how selfish are you? This is where we all start defending ourselves because it is perfectly alright to be selfish just as long as you’re not as selfish as those really, really selfish people isn’t that right?

We base all our assumptions on how we compare to others so what you end up with is a collective of individuals who never reach their full potential they all just do enough to be slightly better than the next person. Everyone is hoping no one will notice they’re being lazy and if someone highlights this a “game of I am better than you…” starts, we all display this behavior it’s just not very many people have the courage to admit it. This sentence makes no sense I want see how many people read this far! Put a “3” on FB comments if you got to here!! When someone questions our actions we immediately start talking about them and giving the old “who do they think they are…” and so we just continue being assholes for another few thousand years!

There is so much selfishness in our society and much of it is not even seen as being selfish at all. When we meet potential partners this is when we are at our most selfish of course trying to pick someone who has everything we need financially, emotionally, aesthetically, socially etc is not seen as selfishness it’s just getting what is right for yourself isn’t it, yes and that is selfish and we’re all guilty of it. How many people go through hell because of the selfish behaviour of other people? We will never hear of statistics such as these but still selfishness effects many, many people and the worrying thing is it’s all perfectly normal and acceptable.

The more I look at us collectively the more ignorance I see and the more cries I hear from others that I should lighten up maybe go hug a few tress or have non stop laughter, guys that is not working blind optimism is why we’re in this mess. If we all just stopped wanting and expecting so much things would improve. I was told recently that this is just the way people are and we’ve been like this for thousands of years which is very, very true but you must believe things can get better before they will. We can have anything we want it just depends how much we want it. :)

I am very hopeful for such a straight faced fucker am I not??

Monday, 26 July 2010

There exists in our society a large number of individuals who think that entertainment and being happy are the only things in existence. They do not like discussing serious matters or doing anything creative or constructive instead they watch reruns of friends and start wishing it would be Friday as soon as they wake up on Monday morning. These people are everywhere serving in shops and working in offices and factories all over the country they believe their behaviour is totally harmless but by doing nothing they are in fact contributing to the lack of motivation that exists within our society as a whole.

I was one of these people, well apart from the fact that I never watched an episode of friends. The only times when I was unlucky enough to ever be in the same room as that horror was when others were watching it. Canned laughter, sickeningly sweet characters and pun based punch lines is not comedy. I have sat with people as they watched it and they didn’t laugh, I thought that was strange.

For years I worked in nothing jobs waiting for it to be the weekend so I could poison my mind and find a way to make laughter were none existed. When you have a really good laugh at the weekend with alcohol, it’s false. Alcohol lets you pretend that everything is great when you know it’s not really but of course you won’t talk about what’s bad in your life you would just be disliked by others if you did that. The result of all this is a society of liars people who will not look at what needs to be done in order to make things better for all of us collectively rather than just protect certain groups of individuals.

People who believe they’re not contributing to society as a whole when it’s clear they are contributing to allowing nonsense to be accepted and even encouraged. It is dangerous that the amount of shite on TV and radio and in many other mediums is just accepted and no one thinks anything of it. Go into Easons or WH Smith, seriously, and take a look at the magazines on sale there. You have small sections of sensible stuff and rivers of mush take a look for yourself it has to been seen to be believed and this tripe is a direct reflection on what we are teaching to the next generation, we’re teaching them how to be fucking Lemurs and I am not talking about porn mags at least porn has a strong committed emotion driving it this is just meaningless drivel. The glare of the shelves full of this stuff alone would give you a fucking headache that and the airbrushed toothy smiles of false looking fuckers adoring each issue. A picture of a person smiling is on each cover but the magazines are not about smiling they’re about nothing!

In particular the amount of rubbish aimed at teenage girls is shocking. These young ladies will be growing up to teach the next generation how to do what needs to be done to be a model human at this rate there is only despair for the future then as they sit around reading Bella and other such kack while watching episodes of Jeremy Kyle, it’s shocking that the government is allowed to get away with it should be illegal.

We should take a leaf out of the books of all the nutters throughout history who decided to torch what they deemed unsuitable and burn this colourful rubbish outside the stores and paint “uneducated” in the windows. We are doing so much damage to our overall well being by allowing this tripe to just pass as entertainment.

I often hear people say what use is history if you’re working in a factory? What use is Geography if you’ve no intention of travelling? They’re both much more useful than worrying about whether Cheryl will get over her split with Ashley or which poor fucker is getting to marry Katie “spliced” this week.

We need to teach young people it’s cool to be a bit of a nerd that’s what’s wrong the wankers in control won’t let the masses learn because we’d threaten them if we got too clever.

Fucksake people come on ahead… Oh Iam sorry for disturbing you, are you playing Farmville?! Woe, Woe, Woe!!

Sunday, 25 July 2010

We live in an extremely apathetic world where most of the individuals are of the opinion that they can’t change anything and as a result, nothing changes. We behave much the same in groups as we do individually. People seem to think that they have nothing to do with how humanity operates as a whole but we’re all responsible for the wrongs of our species. In more recent times individuals have been able to acquire all the resources they need for themselves and their immediate family circle thus creating a comfortable little bubble in which they live happily. They think because they are not directly in touch with most of the outside world it has nothing to do with them. Yet they pay taxes which are used by the government for whatever therefore everyone paying tax is playing a part in whatever the government do.

By contrast we’re responsible for what the government are not doing. Cases of child abuse are very high in the UK compared with other European countries I am not going to quote stats if you choose to explore the issue further do, it’s pretty shocking. In many, many cases children are abused in their own homes by people entrusted to look after their welfare this then has a knock on effect because the abused children grow up to be very unstable individuals who have great difficulty fitting into the world.

I am not going to start some witch hunt about the abusers this is the wrong way to go about things and it detracts from what our collective focus should be. People who abuse children are clearly not well themselves. No one wakes up one morning and decides to go and hurt a child they’ve obviously been hurt themselves if they do this. What we should be doing is trying to stop the abuse from happening in the first place.

Currently there is far too much in the way of administration in organisations entrusted with looking after the welfare of young people. In the wider society we operate on a basis of “it’s got nothing to do with me…” there may be numerous signs that something may be happening to some poor kid but we turn a blind eye because it’s none of our business or we expect someone else to sort it out.

Currently the major powers in the western world have just spent the best part of ten years fighting in the Middle East in wars that have nothing to do with us. I don't know how much this cost but I am sure that money could have done a lot of good in health care and education rather than killing people who really don't effect us very much. We go over there just as we have in the past with crucifixes in tow to show people how they should be behaving when back at home our own social structures are rotten from the core.

We need to stop thinking that it’s got nothing to do with us everything that happens in our communities has everything to do with us, we’re all at least partially responsible and locking the door after work and watching TV won’t make it all go away everyone needs to be more proactive and less self-serving.

Some people will read this and think “…yeah well what are you doing about it?” If this thought crossed you’re mind you need to have a word with yourself because change can only begin with the individual and getting into petty squabbles about who is doing better is not the way.

If we all cared a bit more about each other and at least tried to think outside the box things would gradually get better for us all.

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Pornography, sex and

Porn is the most googled word there is, along with tits and nude and ass! Sex is debatably the strongest instinct we have. It is, as well as self preservation and conquest, at the pinnacle of all our thoughts. That desire to procreate makes animals of even the most civilised people. During intercourse we do disgusting things that we’d rather not talk about in public. Many women are the worst for this sort of behavior they keep up a shining image in public and are filthy little vixens when the kit comes off, oh la la!

This seems to be a big part of the human condition in general, image. We spend so much time worrying about what other people think of us and to be honest those who say they don’t care about what other people think are probably the worst self conscious culprits. No one wants to admit they watch porn but everyone has unless you have been living in a seriously underdeveloped country or under the rule of a religious despot.

Porn is one of those things that is not quite acceptable everyone knows that everyone watches it at some point but no one wants to admit it. What are we all afraid of? We love sex so why are we getting on like we’re still at school, don’t you think this is all very childish? I’ll tell you why because collectively we don’t know if we’re animals or something better than animals. We act “civilised” at times but the old animal instincts still remain and keep coming back. Why is there war? Why do so many people in apparently in “stable” relationships cheat on their partners? Why is anger still such an issue in many peoples lives? Of course presently we can explain these patterns of behaviour by saying they are the fault of individuals but these traits are so widespread that blaming certain people is not looking seriously at the real causes.

We’re animals and we need to admit that instead of pretending we’re Gods. A lot of people will read this and say “Yeah he’s right!” then go back to their lives and behave in much the same way as they always have. A big part of our problem is that we know what way we should be behaving but there are so many things that we now consider to be important that we often can’t decide which issue is the most important and so we end up totally at odds with ourselves.

Sex is something that we really are very childish about it’s a hush hush part of our existence which is only whispered about in close knit groups. From a collective point of view I am looking at this aspect and think it is a reflection of how we actually feel about ourselves, we’re ashamed it seems. For a species to be so unsure about the very thing that should in reality be first and foremost is quite disturbing. I hate to burst the bubble that all you blind optimists have been so carefully preening but we could well be on that proverbial slippery slope to extinction. Once the ability to reproduce is compromised a species is only headed in one direction. I hope I am wrong I am not a pessimist, I am a realist. If you look at our collective plight and don’t see the warning signs then you really are not much use to humanity at all, you’re like one of those BP protesters who goes to the demonstrations then drives home in their BMW.

I suppose I rambled a bit there but I am only doing these blogs for practice while I get used to this new and different format of writing I appear to be developing and I am averaging a thousand words a day so it’s going pretty good! Back to the porn though the very reason why pornography exists is because we have been hiding from our true nature for thousands of years. When we start behaving like adults again and begin to make love in a more responsible fashion we will be able to love ourselves again and only then will we be able to leave these childish traits that are currently destroying us in the past (hopefully!)

Remember this you have nothing to be ashamed of and no need to portray an image for other people they're all just idiots like you. We're all in the same boat and we're not gonna fix ourselves or each other first time round, it'll be hard work! Get it HARD work! OK that joke didn't GO DOWN so well! OK I'll sto........ :)

Monday, 19 July 2010


Is it just me or has anyone else noticed a very important cultural phenomenon which seems to effect just about everyone? We don’t like the present or more importantly we all seem to keep revisiting the past. It’s everywhere and no one seems in the least bit concerned about it. They remake old movies and songs because the people doing it have some sentimental connection or because the music that’s being made for the younger generation is just not the same.

In conversations with friends we always have these points of reference times we talk about, good times we had. People want retro T-shirts and stuff from years back look how popular antique shows are. When new people come along Singers or bands or younger footballers they are compared to people from the past, it’s all just pigeonholing, condensing the world so it’ll fit into our cataclysmic little skulls.

I got a computer disc a few years back it had 3000 ZX Spectrum games on it and I was buzzing taking it home thinking about playing Jet Set Willy, The Wild Bunch and Treasure Island Dizzy and many, many more. After about ten minutes of nostalgic nonsense I was a bit into one of the dizzy games when it dawned on me “This is crap!”
Of course it was great when I was a teenager but surely if you can get 3000 games on a disc does that not tell you something? Apparently not!

Nostalgic bullshit makes us think differently our little childish heads relive all the good times and see it as being better than now. In ways maybe it was but it’s gone! I lived in the past for many years and recounted some very pleasant as well as some deeply horrific experiences that I had and it held me back. Basically I relived and kept repeating memories that were no longer real. This shows how absolutely dangerous our own heads can be if allowed to get out of control.

I can nearly hear people saying “get over it!” “You take life to seriously” and all that guff but there’s a serious lesson here. The simple fact is people don’t like change and they don’t like getting old because of course what comes after old age? That big old taboo that we’re all shitting ourselves over.

I have a Cassandra Complex, google it, I am serious. I see things that I know for a fact other people don't because if they did they would periodically unable to be "Normal" I am before my time and if you are saying to yourself “Who does this guy think he is?” Then you my friend are very obviously in the grip of a serious inferiority complex. There's no cure you just get to underachieve a lot and pander to the rectums of people who you perceive to be better.

A lot of what I am talking about now will come to pass and you’ll all realise much later that “That Crazy alcoholic (ME) was right after all.”

We look back because we’re pretending we’re immortal. We all have the old “it’s not going to happen to me syndrome!” The sooner we accept the way things are the sooner we can all move on and bridge the gulf that has and maybe always will exist between younger and older people. It's this difference of thinking that is responsible for so much of the injustice and misunderstanding that exists in the modern age.

Or maybe this is all nonsense and I am just having a mid life crisis at 37! Time will tell. ☺

Saturday, 17 July 2010

The man in the purple coat.

I was walking along the Dublin Road and there was this guy in a kebab shop wearing a purple coat. It looked hideous and although I didn’t say anything I thought “What the fuck is he wearing?”

I didn’t think too much more about it until a few days later when walking along the same road again I spotted two women holding hands and talking in German I immediately thought to myself “They’re foreign lesbians.” This hit me a bit harder than the purple coat incident. In fact I stopped and began questioning myself about why I had did this.

In both cases I did something that we all do everyday, I judged. I didn’t hurt anyone because I had kept it totally to myself equally I didn’t go sharing it with friends saying how awful that coat was or the disgrace of two potential foreign lesbians walking around in broad daylight. Why would I be so worried about these incidents then?

Since the foreign lesbian incident I have discussed what happened with other people and in the majority of cases they tell me to wise up, tell me I am taking life too seriously, analysing too much and they’d probably be right. The thing that worried me was that I really have nothing against foreign people coming here in fact I enjoy meeting other cultures and I have nothing against anyone of differing sexual persuasions so why would I make such a rash judgement? And why did the two incidents affect me differently?

I hate purple. I think it is an awful colour, gaudy and over the top, it’s a personal thing but I don’t hate Germans and don’t hate lesbians. Hating the colour of someone’s coat is obviously very different from hating either their nationality or sexual preference but the principle is exactly the same it’s simply selfishness on my part me trying to assert my will, what I think is right, how I see things. Had I seen a male/female couple talking in a local dialect I wouldn’t have said to myself “They’re heterosexuals from Belfast.”

The two women may not have even been lesbians. Women generally have a very relaxed attitude toward something as innocuous as holding hands so it would be logical to realise that women from more culturally liberal countries outside our siege implanted islands would indeed have a much, much more relaxed attitude to holding hands in the street. I didn’t think of any of these possibilities though and that’s what’s bothering me.

This tells me one slightly worrying thing, I am at least partially not responsible for my own thoughts and despite how impartial I may try to be the world can always creep in and corrupt me. I think of myself as very liberal but these are not examples of liberal thinking at all.

Why did I not focus on something I had in common with the people I judged? We all have eyes, noses, limbs! Why did I immediately and without any barriers notice difference?

It seems we are trained to notice difference it’s like a ghost in our genes. Because there is so much going on in the world and we are competitive to our cores we have motives even in our very thoughts. We make sense of the world by our relationships with other people and those with grievances towards others are just following the “gang” pecking order that has always been so evident throughout history, for as long as people have been here this has been the way. People in gangs don’t know they’re wrong because they have self justifying reasons for their hatred. Most of the reasons that racists have for hating people are made up. When you try to tell them that it’s their instinct making or reinforcing these myths so they can feel comfortable they deny it because instinct is so strong they can’t think outside of it.

Northern Irish racists are the most peculiar breed many of them have friends from the other side of the sectarian divide but they don’t see that the same parallel is being drawn when they hate people from another country. I even know a lot of people who still hold certain republican or loyalist views while being friends with people from the other side which frankly makes no sense at all. I know Protestants who go to twelfth of July marches and don’t think it’s a big deal, it’s just a bit of fun even though the reason for the marches is sectarian and Catholics who hate English people but watch Eastenders and support English football teams. None of this makes any sense.

Our principles are pretty warped because we’re selfish and each individual thinks their worldview is paramount. The really scary thing however is that most people don’t think any of this matters. They don’t care that their thinking is out of synch and inconsistent either that or the people who have the potential to change things have other more important things to worry about like going out at the weekend or playing Xbox with their mates they’re all locked in emotional bubbles that they reinforce with ignorance and bliss!

What is my problem anyway? Why am I so worried about a fleeting thought I had about people who I will never see again and who have no effect on me whatsoever? The simple reason is that I am beginning to fully understand how the same mechanics that are at work in racist attacks where people get hurt for being different are actually fostered and heightened in society as a whole. Things happen in degrees so while it may be ok to use an offensive term to tell a joke about a black person for instance, the person telling the joke would not use the term to someone of African origin directly.

It’s easy to see how these two correlations can in ways be held apart but when you take the multitude of possibilities around something so innocent as telling a joke you can begin to look at how these seemingly meaningless comments can be taken out of turn. What if someone who’s not supposed to hear the joke hears it? Wider and more subtly affective longer term worries are not even a consideration for the majority of any given collective. If there exists within any group of any size a view that certain other groups of individuals are in some way not the same as us or even responsible for social ills that our grouping may be experiencing you will find animosity toward these people will gradually develop, thus intolerance.

I myself have a very good friend who is gay and we joke about it. No one takes any offence and it’s all in jest but is it? We’re part of a society where intolerance against gay men especially is still quite a problem I am not sure about the statistics but you can guarantee that people get beaten up somewhere in Belfast due to their sexual preference in fact I know that there have been some quite high profile cases which made national news involving murders so by that rational I have to admit I am in fact part of the problem. Hypocrisy is hypocrisy after all and it really can’t be excused.

We’re all doing it, making the world how it is, some more than others obviously and as for me, well stay away from purple coats you have been warned.

Friday, 16 July 2010

Perception is the problem…

People are mostly stuck firmly on singulars this is why a lot of them see me as being some type of lunatic. The reality is that the very fact we have perception is the main problem here. Not only perception itself but the nature of human existence makes it impossible to develop a perception that has any firm consistency. We are prone to extreme change in how we feel about anything and everything.

Maybe now as YOU read this you have a relatively settled life, a good job, a family who loves you and the most important thing contentment thus your mood will be calm and this will be reflected in the world immediately around you. When everything is going well we see the world differently but the world has not changed it never does, it is neither good or bad, positive or negative it is nothing, only our perception changes.

Now lets look at possible factors that can affect our wellbeing. Other people and how they react are obvious places to start because of our social structure we tend to have great influence on the people around us and unless you totally isolate yourself it is impossible not to be affected by others in some way. Chemicals can cause massive shifts in mood and in a world where they are so readily available and even encouraged there is a pretty good chance that everyone will use and therefore be changed by chemicals in some form or another. Traumatic experiences often cause peoples character to change in very short spaces of time and equally so massive shifts can happen in the opposite direction by being enlightened. There are many other aspects of human existence that change us so subtly and so slowly that we really have no idea they are doing anything.

Our perceptions are gradually being changed all the time and we’re usually so preoccupied with whatever is going on in our lives that we simply do not notice it’s happening. If you look seriously and honestly at the points I raise you will begin to notice that it is more or less impossible to change the emotional, social and economic climate of this world and the people in it. For real change to happen millions or more individuals would need to change simultaneously and this cannot be achieved without some type of dictatorial influence. Governments have and are still trying to change peoples thinking for their own ends and the only success they ever have is momentary.

What you yourself see as being acceptable or unacceptable will change in time. Five years from now you may well see things completely differently. It is our perception that is holding us all back because when we get comfortable we think we have achieved balance and come to what we believe to be a solid and coherent view of the world. However with the sheer endlessness of permutations that could possibly change our perception the chances are very high that just that will happen and of course we don’t like change so this heightens the effect it has on us.

So it’s perception, that’s it. It’s not the world that needs to change it is too big and too outside your realm of control for that. YOU need to change how you look at things even the things that you regard as being totally beyond any doubt are possibly causing heartache for others. How you look at the world is making the world you live in. if things are not going as you would like or expect them to step back and change your angle. YOU have more control than you realise.

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

We're all thick!

It has come to my attention that everyone is completely thick, yes you as well and before you start slobberin’ I am too! This whole thing (The Species) would make a fantastic punch line but due to it’s size, complexity and the effect it has on itself no one would get the joke.

Someone or something has (I think) deliberately set up a puzzle that has no answer and given it to a glorified baboon troupe who after 100, 000 years are still working on it while they’re pretending they’re not interested in matters so deep and apparently meaningless. So three quarters of them are typing “porn” into internet searches hoping a picture of their mother or sister doesn’t appear and the other quarter are either dead or dying for the right to type “porn” into an internet search engine, isn’t it fun being part of such a reactionary species?

Everyone is pretending they have never done anything wrong it’s all about image and everyone is now saying “I am not image conscious!” My good friends if you dress and wash before leaving the house you are image conscious to a degree. When we stop comparing ourselves to others and start admitting we all actually have faults we may be able to BEGIN sorting this mess out (The Species!)

The recent fiasco with BP has just shown beyond any doubt how stupid we really are collectively. I am currently writing a very hard hitting spoken word poem on the subject.
Without ruining the crux of my poem I’ll say one simple thing to all those friends of the Earth who are blaming BP for the disaster. Plastic is made by the petrochemical industry and the average bike has about 18 different types of plastic so leaving your car at home is doing NO GOOD and if you have ever used plastic in any way you are just as responsible as the BP board and workers and that spotty fucker who works in the 24 hour garage.

For Gods sake (if he/she/it exists) take a look around people and put your fucking hands up and admit you’re part of the problem, we all are. The first step in solving any problem is to admit there is one so stop being so blindly optimistic and help me pick up these pieces that used to make an intelligent race.

Nuff said!