Saturday, 31 December 2011

Let go...

Change is never an easy inevitability but when you become aware of the principles surrounding the fact that it simply is you can become settled and allow it to happen in a more gracious fashion. I didn’t write for about six weeks, not to my normal pace anyway. During that period I have been working and playing Skyrim and funnily enough the last time I took a major break from writing was in 2006 when The Elder Scrolls previous instalment Oblivion was released.

The poems started coming again yesterday and they are strange, very unlike my earlier work, more open ended and very ambiguous. I am becoming adept at explaining things very concisely with precise two, three and four word combinations, very quick, very fluid and lateral. It’s like I don’t know what’s going on as it’s happening and only after rereading a few times do I begin to see how I am working the words. This kind of thing happened before back in 2008 when I began writing spoken word and though the subject matter and structure of the two disciplines is very different I appear to be approaching things from the same place with the same type of inner resolve. It’s good not knowing there’s much less effort involved.

Having the ability to let go is crucial. Often writers try to be in control and find themselves being frustrated by their own attempts to master the art. Having something you can focus on helps, something that doesn’t involve the art in anyway and even spending long periods not talking about it or thinking about it are a psychological way of letting go. When you’re too far in you begin to be drawn by the technicalities of it and fail to notice the beauty and simplicity of why you need to create in the first place. I think it happens in stages which will of course differ slightly for each individual but the core remains we are always moving toward something, the next thing and it can only be realised after the process is allowed flow. Accepting all of your work is important and not telling yourself the older stuff is badly executed rather that it’s been worn and you’ve become too accustomed to it so this has changed how you perceive it.

The ferocity I once had is gone. I don’t write everything down anymore, it’s like I have become much more selective and there’s a clear partition between think writing and writing writing. Ironically my poetry is becoming scaled down and simplified in technical terms while my prose is more lengthy, more descriptive but when you think about it that’s maybe how it’s supposed to be. I hope at some point I can merge the two although it’s not something I am even remotely considering. Yet.

Letting go is the key. The more you’re willing to risk losing the sweeter any rewards that come will eventually taste. Let go…

Friday, 30 December 2011

Swapping humans!

Not sure how much truth there is in these rumors but El Mondo Deportivo are usually pretty reliable when it comes to the truth in Spanish Football affairs. Apparently since a deal that was supposedly being done for Torres failed because Guardolia wouldn’t release Pedro as part of the bargain Barca instead offered THREE of their raising stars for Torres!

What is going on here? These fuckers are swapping human beings that’s fucking madness it’s like slavery isn’t it? Except because they get good money no one notices it. I’ll swap you these three humans for that one! Torres has been through the mill and I felt genuinely sorry for the guy when he couldn’t score at Chelsea at the beginning he’s a brilliant striker, part of the reason why he’s not scoring is more than likely confidence and the fact that there was so much expectation with the price they paid for him.

Check the stats his form under Benitez was brilliant it seems it got worse after that changes in the dressing room can have a bad effect on some players and I think he made the worst mistake of his young life going to Chelsea. How must he feel now eh? He’ll be happy to go to arguably the best club on the planet (I said arguably!) but from the point of view of how he actually feels about it all. He’s being swapped for three men that’s some deal I know nothing of the young players who are going to be coming to Chelsea but Barca B has a wealth of talent and I am sure in the coming years you’ll see some brilliant players developed from their ranks.

For the record I reckon he’ll go back to Spain and get his mojo back big time.

Football eh? What the fuck is going on? Swapping human beings and the crazy thing is that no one thinks there’s anything wrong with it when you have money you can do anything. Tis a mad and fucked up world we reside in!

Wonder who I could swap myself for!?

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

We're shitting in the sea

I hope this means there’s going to be a ban on pumping sewage into the sea but I know deep down it isn’t!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-16346065

This is an interesting report on the BBC News site about conservation and discovery but when I read this type of report I cannot help but see all our collective flaws and the shocking depth of our collective denial really closely. Politicians really go off on one and get all excited when they have an opportunity to say something positive and use words like biodiversity to make them look like they’re not really the selfish twats we all know they are. By the way I know they’re selfish twats because we’re all selfish twats and much, much more so anyone who has the cheek to sit in an air conditioned office signing cheques and scratching their holes all while calling it “WORK” work my ballix! (Ballix is purposely spelt wrong, it’s colloquial!)

So many of us appear so steadfast and resolute about our opinions on issues concerning how we treat the planet and the other species who share it with us but aside from talking no one really does anything do they? Or maybe I shouldn’t say no one maybe it would be more accurate to say 99. whatever percent of us! The fact is that aside from a load of empty talk people don’t do anything for the planet all you ever find them doing is pretending that life is tough while saying how much they really deserve all that “ME” time they’re devouring. Of course life is tough. When, either through apathy or “CHOICE”, you vote in a bunch of Muslim murdering, champagne quaffing gangsters life’s going to be tough and it gets tougher when you realise that most of us just do the bare minimum because we’re too busy rubbing the fronts aff ourselves and each other, metaphorically, in our cosy little social circles to actually give a fuck about anything else. The entertainment culture, beautiful for the have’s and if we’re not careful that’s the very thing that’s going fuck us in the end.

So they found a fish with no face or brain! I am happy for that fish it won’t get to taste or sense the massive turds floating around in the North sea. That behavioral trait always makes me laugh people talk about conservation and saving the planet then they go to their comfortable little shitters and dump in the sea from a distance while no doubt reading The Latest National Geographic and humming all you need is love.

Talk to people. Listen to them you really get a sense that they care but it’s all pretentious bullshit it’s all so they can sound good and find a perfect little niche in the image conscious carnival to look and feel “NICE” for a moment or two. You can just imagine them politicians talking about the need to protect the environment before popping in to expel the remains of lunchtimes lasagne and chips out their lazy arses and they probably have a good gawk before flushing it off into the briny waves! Please remember that folks every time you have a dumpling in your lavatory you’re shittng in the sea! Aren’t dolphins cute, awww, not when they’re covered in shite they’re not and all that oule chattering they do they’re calling us good for nothing bastards!

Now of course everyone gets defensive and starts the old “WHAT CAN I DO” you could do so much quit fucking slobbering for a start and quit pretending you’re doing all you can. Talk is not enough. If you’re going to happily shit in the sea daily you have no right to even think about conservation.

As for the faceless brainless fish that fucker doesn’t know how lucky it is and a really interesting thing someone choose to retort on that little fishy -

“The rarely-seen species was regarded as a modern representative of the first animals that evolved a backbone, the Scottish government said.” Animals with backbones eh? There are actually still animals with backbones, good to know!

and as for the words "Scottish" and "government" being used in the same lifetime... Don't get me started!

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

It’s good to be a Tottenham fan (today!)

Alright there are still 21 games to go but I can’t stop looking at this fuckin’ league table!

http://www.statto.com/football/teams/tottenham-hotspur/2011-2012/table

I have been a Tottenham fan for thirty odd years and I have been waiting for a long time for this. I know, I know I don’t look that old ;) I don’t know what the double winners were like I wasn’t born but this team really looks good, so good that we have an Ex-Gooner who’s still a Manchester City player scoring and assisting the bit out and none of our fans are even bothered they cheer as hard for him as they do for anyone else! Don’t really care either that we’re out of Europe.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, wouldn’t like to say to be honest, I have seen the worst of times and the best of times (from the point of view of cup winners) but this team is playing (ATM!) with real championship class and I am chuffed to say it really is a good time to be a Tottenham supporter!

Harry has a real striker conundrum but so far no one has started whinging that they’re not getting a game they all seem to be enjoying their Football so much that they’re just getting on with it. We were unlucky to lose at Stoke but it’s well known that the Britannia is a tough place to go.

Of course nothing ever runs smoothly in Football. Harry has a court case and Capello will be leaving the England fray next year which means you know what! Modric will again be fair game for the teams that buy leagues and who knows what kind of stupid money those same conglomerates might start offering for the Welsh fella!

But in spite of it all good, bad or indifferent I couldn’t care less I just keep looking at the league table and smiling and no matter what happens, right now at this moment it’s good to be a Tottenham fan and it’s been a long time coming! :)

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

ARE THE P.S.N.I RACIST?

This is not a rant and it’s not a joke. If you consider yourself to be a decent person you’ll read this and hopefully some of you will do more than just read it. I heard something very disturbing today. I work on Botanic and the Police came to the shop where I work and asked the manager if she would stop Romanians from coming into the shop. I’ll say that again The Police asked the manager of a shop to ban anyone from the Romanian Roma Gypsy community from coming in. Think about that. Thankfully our manager refused to do this on moral grounds she’s one courageous lady but for every one of her there are ten of the others.

Of course the P.S.N.I have a get out clause they said the reason why they are making this request is because they have had complaints from all the other shops in the area about stealing now when a Romanian enters a shop everyone goes into suspicious mode. Most of the other shops have already banned the Romanians. So if someone from the Sandy Row steals will we have to ban all Protestants? If a catholic from The Falls steals will we have to start watching out for people in Celtic shirts? The Police are merely responding to pressure from the community but is it Racist? Yes it is. We’re racist bastards collectively we always have been, racist and sectarian and small minded and clever, lets not forget clever because we can disguise our racism to the point that it actually looks like we’re trying to protect the community.

I have seen many more instances of theft from Irish and British people than from Romanians. See the way I had to say Irish and British there, isn’t that interesting that I had to do that, I mean what should I say, White people? Northern Irish people? Caucasians maybe? I have lost count of the number of times I have had to continually tell people that this is not simply a matter of opinion it’s dangerous to begin singling out a whole group of individuals based upon cultural, religious or ethnic principles. Of course it’s fine for you sitting with your friends and family having a social rant about the ills of the world or telling racist jokes but whose fault is it when an innocent person gets kicked to death and remember your History here we have a bad record for people getting kicked to death. Sounds harsh doesn’t it “KICKING TO DEATH” it’s meant to sound harsh it’s real and it will happen.

I speak to these people regularly and they’re good people. They’re funny, thoughtful, intelligent they're just like we are, human beings. we have a laugh on the SOS Bus because some of the younger ones have got thick Belfast accents. There have been two occasions this last month when I have had to intervene because drunk men think it’s good craic to stand in the street and verbally abuse a group of women who are selling roses. If anyone believes it’s either courageous or funny to abuse another human for any reason I am afraid I wouldn’t be worried about the Romanians stealing I would have deeper concerns as to how these individuals would treat their families.



The reason why this is happening is because decent people are absent from the picture we’re all out entertaining ourselves and while we’re all selfishly consuming capitalism the fabric of society is crumbling and people at the bottom are suffering.

These people don’t come here and get vast amounts of money and housing they struggle, some don’t have electric, they cannot afford it. Don’t listen to the myths that the racists spout it’s lies. These people came here to escape persecution in their own countries in many cases. They’re human beings, they feel like you feel. If you treat human beings like animals they will behave like animals, makes you wonder how the racists have been treated.

Please if you have any decency talk about this issue before someone gets kicked to death. If you know any politicians or people who have standing within the community tell them about this the reason why racism goes unchecked is because decent people either don’t do anything or slowly become racist themselves. Surely we have had enough of murder and pain and suffering in this country. Say hello to these people they’re genuinely lovely people. Some of them steal, so do ours. They can do nothing about their cultural background they were born into it just as we were born into ours.

If you don’t know about Rwanda or the former Yugoslavia please read about them they can happen again given the right (ironic turn of phrase!) set of circumstances. Please think. THINK…

Monday, 12 December 2011

The last free people on the planet

Click the link at the bottom of this to see amazing footage of something that seems impossible people who live outside of the realms of what we consider normal. They are living in a tiny hunter gatherer tribe on the Brazil-Peru border and their existence has been completely untouched by the outside world. In the footage you can see them staring up at the plane imagine what they might be thinking at seeing it “What the FUCK is that?” it must look like a UFO!

A bit of geographical knowledge really helps to give perspective here. Look for Brazil on the map of the world, it’s massive and it holds one third of the planets rainforests which cover an area nearly the size of Australia now take a look at Ireland and compare the dimensions! Although the Rainforests are being consumed by humankinds greed through logging the area is so expansive that it’ll be a long time before they’re diminished and hopefully we’ll have caught ourselves on by then.

Jose Carlos Meirelles whose government agency (don’t like the sound of that!) has been studying these people describes them as “The last free people on the planet.” He is working to make sure that their area of Rainforest remains untouched and that they don’t come into contact with illegal loggers and miners who would be likely to act aggressively towards them.

It is truly amazing that in the 21st century people are still living like our ancestors did before the agricultural revolution. Hopefully they’ll leave these people be.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-12360013

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Post Slam Reflection

It’s Thursday the 8th of December 2011 and I am on a train from Derry to Belfast. Plenty of time for reflection. The All Ireland Slam final was amazing last night and I was pleased to be part of it but I was easily the worst poet on the night. I had a choice of three new poems and I was not sure about the order in which I should do them but before the competition even started I knew one was going to have to be completely overhauled before I (if ever) do it in public, I’ll reserve my reasons at this point. The one I did choose was OK it’s thoughtful and funny but it was weak compared to the work of my competitors. I feel I may have underestimated the competition big time this year but I never intended my boasts that I was going to win it to do anything other than to motivate me into the mind frame that would enable me to do the best I could.

I was really pleased for Séamus Barr’O Suilleabhain it was my third time seeing this young man perform and he’s top class his passion and level of experience belie the fact that he’s only nineteen. Brilliant as well that the All Ireland was won by an Irish speaking spoken word poet, made me slightly ashamed to not know the language of my ancestors. Overall I think the result was a fair one. Karl Parkinson who came second was really something else as well with his raw inner city Dublin edge and Hip-Hopesque references he’s one to watch.

I have been saying for some time that I need to leave spoken word and though that may not happen right away it definitely will at some point. Poetry in this format seriously devours my energy and time, it’s not just the writing, learning and performing it’s the nature of me when I focus I focus completely and it takes my mind over. I felt strangely peaceful when I realised I wasn’t going into the second round I went outside and sat down to make a roll-up thinking right that’s done, what’s next! I have to on a bucket collection tonight to raise funds for the SOS Bus and I am really looking forward to it the craic with the other volunteers is great and work with the organisation is fulfilling.

This whole process, performing and writing to perform, started off for me as a means to an end. I was badly psychologically disturbed following a series of life experiences which completely broke me. I started going against what my head was telling me to do. I just wanted to stay in and not face the world so I began doing the opposite and going to events in Belfast to stand on stage in front of people and speak my mind. It was all very instinctive and I honestly don’t take any credit for it, something inside of me that I can neither explain or wish to explain took over and guided me. It was incredibly liberating and very therapeutic but it has since turned into self gratification and I don’t feel good about it anymore in the same way that it did, I still enjoy it but I kind of feel I am devaluing the usefulness it once held for me by making so much effort for the sake of my ego. I get much more fulfilment now from helping people on the SOS Bus or talking to the regulars in the charity shop than showing off and ranting on stage.

Sylvia’s words are more powerful than ever now “…flesh, bone there is nothing there…” life is short and we waste it ingratiating ourselves and seeking stimuli.

If talk is cheap what is spoken word? I don’t mean that as a judgement it’s a genuinely reflective question which I currently have no answer for. I adore spoken word it saved my life but now having picked myself up from the unforgiving ground more than once what do I do? It would be a terrible waste if I were to save myself then spend my life going from reading to reading masturbating metaphorically!

The lonely, the homeless and the addicted within society need simple things. Just standing having a chat with these people gives me an amazing perspective that no amount of flattery could give me. Just to have another human being recognise and understand them for however long gives them a break in their difficult lives. In a world with so little human understanding just acknowledging someone and giving them a kind word and a smile can be the difference between keeping going and giving up.

I can get back to focusing on my book now the editing is more than half way and then it’ll go to the publishers and we’ll see how it goes but it doesn’t bother me too much if it does or doesn’t, I don’t have the will to win anymore it has been slowly slipping away because I can see how destructive the mindset behind being competitive can be, it can destroy the will of people who crave it so much that it becomes overpowering

The last few years have been amazing from the point of view of writing and performing but I need my energy for these very important encounters with vulnerable people who just need a bit of eye contact to make them feel human again.

I’ll still be messing about on the comedy circuit when I am asked (Mixed Nuts, Black Box 21st December!) because it doesn’t require anywhere near as much energy as stage poetry does. My only serious poetry from this point will be page based.

I wrote this purely to allow myself to look at it from as many angles as possible and because I know that in the future I will look back on this blog and my facebook fanpage and be able to see how I was developing.

Very content right now. Be good to each other….